Idiot Sightings

IDIOT SIGHTING 1:
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 note.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said,'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar coin back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said  'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING 2:
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said,  'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not.  Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used that repairman since.  Happened in Ipswich , Qld.

IDIOT SIGHTING 3 :
I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbour call the local council Parks & Wildlife office to request the removal of the WOMBAT CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason:  'Too many wombats are being hit by cars out here!  I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing any more.'
Story from Collingwood, Melbourne.


IDIOT SIGHTING 4:
My daughter went to a Mexican takeaway and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

From Bankstown , Sydney 
 
IDIOT SIGHTING 5:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
This happened in Elizabeth S.A.

IDIOT SIGHTING 6:
The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She is a government employee in Adelaide P.O.

IDIOT SIGHTING 7:
When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!'   His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'   

Holden Dealer Brisbane .

Remember,
They walk amongst us...

How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity with Find a Laugh!

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom, without disguising your voice.
3. Insist that your email address is:  Xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks.  Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.
9. Finish all your sentences with "In accordane with the prophecy."
10. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area, and tell others you prefer it that way.
11. Don't use any punctuation.
12. Skip rather than walk.
13. Ask people what sex they are.
14. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
15. Sing along at the opera.
16. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
17. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.  Wear them one day after your boss does.  (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
18. Send an e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing.  For example:  If anyone needs me, I'll be on the toilet."
19. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
20. Five days in advance tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
21. Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies.
22. Call the psychic hotline and just say, "Guess."
23. Hve your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
24. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I  Won! , I Won! , Third time this week!!!"
25. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
26. Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, it's the ones in your head that do."
27. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
28. To annoy everyone, send this to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you, or have asked you not to.

Find a Laugh with the Darwin Awards

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Darwin's are out!!!
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder.  He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger... The chef's claim was approved.

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

 A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

 The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.  The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.  The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

To see the Net's no. 1 Joke Ebook, and claim

a 40 Page Free Joke Book, Click Here!

Find a Laugh with Humans!

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity,

here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

• On Sears Hairdryer:  "Do not use while sleeping."  (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
• On a bag of Fritos:  "You could be a winner!  No purchase necessary.  Details inside."  (Evidently, the shoplifter special.)
• On a bar of Dial Soap:  "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how...?)
• On some Swanson frozen dinners:  "Serving suggestions: Defrost."  (But it's just a suggestion.)
• On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of the box):  Do not turn upside down." (Uhoh, too late!)
• On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:  "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day...)
• On packaging for a Rowenta iron:  "Do not iron clothes on body."  (But wouldn't this save even more time?)
• On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:  "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."  (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those five year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
• On Nytol Sleep Aid:  "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One can only hope.)
• On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor and outdoor use only."  (As opposed to what?)
• On a Japanese food processor:  "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
• On Sainsbury's peanuts:  "Warning:  contains nuts."  (NEWS FLASH)
• On an american airlines packet of nuts:  "Instructions:  Open packet, eat nuts."  (Step 3: Fly Delta.)
• On a child's Superman costume:  "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one.)
• On a Swedish chain saw:  "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."  (Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?)

GOOD GRIEF!