Children In Church

KIDS IN CHURCH 
3-year-old Reese : 
'Our Father, Who does art in heaven, 
Harold is His name. 
Amen.' 
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A little boy was overheard praying: 
'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. 
I'm having a real good time like I am.' 


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After the christening of his baby brother in church, 
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. 
His father asked him three times what was wrong. 
Finally, the boy replied, 
'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, 
and I wanted to stay with you guys.' 


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One particular four-year-old prayed, 
'And forgive us our trash baskets 
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.' 


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A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they 
were on the way to church service, 
'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?' 
One bright little girl replied, 
'Because people are sleeping.' 


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A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. 
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. 
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. 
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.' 
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, 
' Ryan , you be Jesus !' 


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A father was at the beach with his children 
when the four-year-old son ran up to him, 
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore 
where a seagull lay dead in the sand. 
'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked. 
'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied. 
The boy thought a moment and then said, 
'Did God throw him back down?' 
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A wife invited some people to dinner. 
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, 
'Would you like to say the blessing?' 
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied. 
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered. 
The daughter bowed her head and said, 
'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?' 
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And if you don't share this with at least 8 people ----- who cares! 
Peace, love and happiness 

An Italian Boys Confession

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl"

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father.  I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.
Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest signs in frustration.
"You're very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,
"What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads."

Jewish Christmas

The Teacher asked young Patrick Murphy: "What do you do at Christmas time?

Patrick addressed the class: "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys.

"Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Angelo Ianucci , what do you do at Christmas?"

Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to church with Mom and Dad and we sing Ave Maria , dance the Tarantella and when we get home we put almond cookies and Amaretto by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.

Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"

Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year...Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce; then we drive to Dad's toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves...And begin to sing: “What A Friend We Have in Jesus”..........Then we all go to the Bahamas ."

 

"Huh" The Pope and the Rabbi

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert

to Catholicism or leave Italy . There was a huge outcry from the Jewish
community, so the Pope offered a deal: he'd have a religious debate with
their leader. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy .

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent them

in the debate. However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no
Hebrew or Ladino, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate.

On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other.

The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

The rabbi looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.

The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.

The rabbi pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the

rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy .

Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.

The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He

responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one
God common to both our faiths.

"Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all

around us. The rabbi responded by pointing to the ground to show that God
was also right here with us.

"I pulled out the wine and host to show that through the perfect sacrifice

Jesus has atoned for our sins, but the rabbi pulled out an apple to remind
me of the original sin. He bested me at every move and I could not
continue."

Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he'd won.

"I haven't a clue," said the rabbi. "First, he told me that we had three

days to get out of Italy , so I gave him the finger.

"Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews but I

told him emphatically that we were staying right here."

"And then what?" asked a woman.

"Who knows?" said the rabbi. "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine."