Science Exam Answers

If you need a laugh, try reading through these children's science exam answers...
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are in a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (The kid gets an A+ for this answer!)
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Definitions From Class Tests

DEFEAT - is da  tings da go in da tekkies

DIVORCE - is da  ting u eat with da pap.

DESTROY - is da  ting da cows eat

DELIVER - is next to da kidney.

DESIGN - is da  ting to show u da way.

DISSOLVE - is da answer to da problem.

DETEST - is da  ting I'm writing now.... Eish!!!

Good Example of Communication

A certain private school in Victoria was recently faced with a unique problem.

A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors each and every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to clean the mirrors.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

Which goes to show, there are teachers and there are educators.

Find a Laugh while Studying

Students at the UH Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.  they are all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.  Then the professor started the class by telling them:

"In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor:  the first is that it is necessary that you not be disgusted."

The Professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in the ass of the dead body, withdrew it and sucked it.  "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.  The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently taking turns, sunk their fingers to do the same.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second important quality is observation.  I sunk the middle finger and suck the index.  PAY ATTENTION PEOPLE!!!"

Spanish Lesson - Classic Find a Laugh

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'

'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Send this to all the smart women you know...and all the men that have a sense of humor.