Doctor Is It Serious?

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'
'Mrs.Sanders, Please.'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory.  When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well.  We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband.  Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'

'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's (loss of memory) and the other one tested positive for HIV.  We can't tell which is which.'
'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.
'Normally we can, but the medical will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'

The folks at the medical aid recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town - if he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'

Doctor Dave

 

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients
and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much
he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt
and sense of betrayal were overwhelming.

But every now and then he'd hear an internal
reassuring voice in his head that said:


"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first
medical practitioner to sleep with one of their
patients and you won't be the last.
And you're single Just let it go."


But invariably another voice in his head
would bring him back to reality.
Whispering.....
 
Dave..........

Dave .............

Dave........

Dave........
 
   
Dave……..
 
  

............you're a vet.

Sweet Tea

 A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do.

Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that.
When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes Back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea!

Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"

Psychiatry and Proctology

Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading "Dr Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology."

The town council was not happy with that sign, so the doctors changed it to "Hysterias and Posteriors."

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satify the council, they changed the sign to "Schizoids and hemorrhoids."  No go.

Next they tried "Catatonics and High Colonics."  Thumbs down again.

Then came "Manic-depressives and Anal retentives."  Still not good enough.

How about "Minds and Behinds?" Unacceptable again.

So they tried "Lost Souls and Ass Holes."  Still no go.

Nor did "Analysis and Anal Cysts," "Nuts and Butts," "Freaks and Cheeks," or "Loons and Moons."

Almost at their wit's end the doctors finally came up with a business slogan they thought might be acceptable to the council, "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."

Approved.

A Joke a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

Gynaecologist ...

THE GYNAECOLOGIST WHO BECAME A MECHANIC

(If you do not laugh out loud on this one, your "laughter" is broken!)

 A gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynaecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?"

"The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."

After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the exhaust, which I've never seen done in my entire career"