Senior Citizen Hotel Dilemma

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high, you might want to consider this:
My wife and I were travelling by car from Cape Town to Johannesburg . Being Seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, we were too tired to continue, and decided to take a room. We only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When we checked out four hours later, the receptionist handed us a bill for R1400.00.

I exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. I told the clerk although it was a nice hotel; the rooms certainly weren't worth R1400.00 for four hours! He told me that R1400.00 was the 'standard rate'. I insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appeared, listened to me, and explained that the hotel had an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use. 'But we didn't use them," I said.' 'Well, they are here, and you could have," he said.
 
He went on to explain that we could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel was famous. "We have the best entertainers from New  York , Hollywood , and all over the world perform here," he informed me. "But we didn't go to any of those shows," I said. "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, I answered, "But we didn't use it!" The Manager was unmoved, and eventually I gave up and agreed to pay. I wrote a cheque and gave it to him.

 The Manager was surprised when he looked at the cheque.  "But sir, this cheque is only made out for R200.00." ''That's correct. I charged you R1200.00 for sleeping with my wife," I replied.

"But I didn't!" exclaimed the Manager. I said, "Well, too bad, she was here, and you could have."

 Don't mess with Senior Citizens!

Zimbabwean Eggs

Two Zimbabweans are on a bicycle about 15 miles outside of Manchester, UK.  One of the bike's tires goes flat and they start hitching a lift back into town.

A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help, and the Zimbabweans ask him for a ride.  He tells them there is no room in the trailer, as he is carrying 20,000 bowling walls.  The Zimbabweans put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit into the back with their bike, will he take them back into town.  He agrees.

They manage to squeeze themselves and the bike into the back and the driver shuts the doors and gets on his way.  

By this time he is rally late and so puts the hammer down and sure enough, a blond cop pulls him over for speeding.  The lady officer askes the driver what he is carrying, to which the driver jokingly replies "Zimabawean eggs."

The blond lady cop obviously doesn't believe this and asks to take a look in the trailer.  She opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it.

She gets onto her radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible plus the Swat Team.  The dispatcher asks what emergency she has that requires so many officers and she says "I've got a Tractor-Trailer stopped with 20 000 Zimbabwean eggs in it.  Two have hatched and they've already managed to steal a bicycle!"

What is Generation Y?

I've always wondered this myself... now I know. - People born before 1946 were called The Silent Generation.. - The Baby Boomers, are people born between 1946 and 1959. - Generation X, people have been born between 1960 and 1979. - Generation Y, are the people born between 1980 and 2009. Why do we call the last group Generation Y?  Recently a cartoonist explained it very eloquently above..   And I always thought it was because they say.... Y should I get a job? Y should I leave home and find my own place? Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours? Y should I clean my room? Y should I wash and iron my own clothes? Y should I buy any food?

How To Get Sick Leave

Sick leave

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'CRAZY' then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (Sipho) asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was 'CRAZY' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked 'What are you doing?' I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, 'You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.' I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (Sipho) followed me, the Boss asked him '...And where do you think you're going?'

(You're gonna love this.....)

He said, 'I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark.

Making a Woman Happy

HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY  It's not difficult to make a woman happy.  A man only needs to be:  1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber  11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist  15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer  22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic  26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant  36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous  40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate 44. compassionate  WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:  45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping 47. be honest 48. be very rich 49. not stress her out 50. not look at other girls  AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:  51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself 53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes  IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:  54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes  HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 1. Show up naked     2. Bring alcohol

Tough Old Cowboy

A TOUGH OLD COWBOY FROM SOUTH TEXAS COUNSELED HIS GRANDSON THAT IF HE WANTED TO LIVE A LONG LIFE, THE SECRET WAS TO SPRINKLE A PINCH OF GUN POWDER ON HIS OATMEAL EVERY MORNING.

THE GRANDSON DID THIS RELIGIOUSLY TO THE AGE OF 103 WHEN HE DIED.

 HE LEFT BEHIND 14 CHILDREN, 30 GRANDCHILDREN, 45 GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, 25 GREAT-GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, AND A 15-FOOT HOLE WHERE THE CREMATORIUM USED TO BE.