Laughter is the Best Medicine

Feeling down?
Visit a while and I guarantee to put a smile on your face.
A collection of all my favourite jokes and EMails.
Feel free to share them with your friends!

01 January 2014

New Years Funnies for You

Here is some good new years jokes for you, just ready for this time of the year.

Resolved to laugh into the new year? Here's who's cracking jokes ...

http://www.twincities.com Wed, 25 Dec 2013 04:45:39 GMT

If New Year's Eve is all about having fun, you can't go wrong by taking in some live comedy as part of the celebration. Here are some suggestions to get your laugh on as you usher in the New Year with a selection of shows ...

Read more ...

I really liked the one with the lady on the plane.

A New Low: David Arquette Spends Christmas Night Telling Crude ...

http://radaronline.com Mon, 30 Dec 2013 11:21:54 GMT

The notorious party animal was spotted late-night at The Comedy Store on Christmas night in Hollywood telling vulgar and crude masturbation jokes, ... ... I learned this when I was like 8, 9-years-old,” Arquette tells the crowd.

Read more ...

Okay, so maybe the David Arquette ones were a bit uncalled for.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

19 July 2013

Where Are My Glasses

   Yesterday,  my daughter again asked why I didn't do something useful with my  time.
  Talking  about my "doing something useful" seemed to be her favourite topic  of conversation.
   
   She  was "only thinking of me," and suggested I go down to the senior  centre and hang out with the guys.
   
   I  did this, and when I got home last night  I decided to teach  her a lesson about staying out of my business. 
  I  told her that I had joined a parachute club.
   
   She  said, "Are you nuts? You 're almost 79 years old, and you're  going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
  I  proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.
   
   She  said to me, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a  membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
   
   "I'm  in trouble again, and I don't know what to do... I signed up for  five jumps a week," I told her.  She fainted.
   
    
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun !

 

11 July 2013

Paddy and the Flowers


Paddy  rings his new  girlfriend's door bell, with a big  bunch of flowers. She opens the  door, sees the  flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on the   couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off  and says 'This is  for the flowers!' 
'Don't be  silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a  vase  somewhere!' 

28 June 2013

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, from Toronto , Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, from Montreal Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce from BC: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, from Newfoundland , Carol, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willy from school and get dinner."


25 June 2013

My Vacation In Beijing

A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed. Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English……….

Getting There: 
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lakeshore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The Hotel: 
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with himself.

The Restaurant: 
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room: 
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed:
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above all: 
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it."


13 June 2013

THE 'Y' CHROMOSOME
People born before 1946 are called - The Greatest Generation.

People born between 1946 and 1964 are called -The Baby Boomers
.

People born between 1965 and 19
89 are called -Generation X.

And people born between 19
90 and 2010 are called -Generation Y.

Why do we call the last group -Generation Y ?


Y should I get a job?

Y should I leave home and find my own place?

Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?

Y should I clean my room?

Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?

Y should I buy any food?


Just thought you might want to know "Y"