Widdle Wabbit

A precious little girl walks into a Pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts,  he gets down on his knees so that he's  on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or  maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"   

She,  in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice

 

   

"I  don't think my python weally gives a thit."

   
 

 

Nine Words that Women Use

Fine:  This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes:  If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing:  This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

Go Ahead:  This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

Math Problem

Here is a little something someone sent me that is indisputable mathematical logic.  It also made me Laugh Out Loud.  This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint and it goes like this: What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here ' s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then: H-A -R -D-W-O -R -K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and K -N -O -W-L -E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But , A-T -T -I -T -U -D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% And, B -U -L -L -S -H-I -T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% AND, look how far ass kissing will take you. A-S -S -K -I -S-S -I -N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118% So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

Here are some more resources to get you thinking.

1001 Math Problems (1,001 Math Problems)
5-Minute Math Problem of the Day: 250 Fun, Multi-Step Problems That Sharpen Math Reasoning, Number Sense, and Computation Skills
Math Word Problems DemystifiedMath Olympiad Contest Problems for Elementary and Middle Schools, Vol. 1
Hard Problems: The Road to the World's Toughest Math Contest

CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY - TRUE STORY

 ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 ---

CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

 

   

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.

She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at
her.   She
immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved
again..    The man seemed
more amused.  

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she
complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

 

 

The case came up in court.

 

 

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)

what he had to say for himself.

 

 

The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this: when
the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her
condition.   She sat down under a sign that said, 'The
Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.  

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,

'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to
smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.

  But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time
and sat under a sign that said,

'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'

.... I just lost it.'

 

 

'CASE DISMISSED!!'

 

Now keep that smile on your face and pass it
on to someone else!!