A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, from Toronto , Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, from Montreal Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce from BC: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, from Newfoundland , Carol, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willy from school and get dinner."

My Vacation In Beijing

A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed. Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English……….

Getting There: 
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lakeshore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The Hotel: 
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with himself.

The Restaurant: 
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room: 
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed:
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above all: 
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it."

THE 'Y' CHROMOSOME
People born before 1946 are called - The Greatest Generation.

People born between 1946 and 1964 are called -The Baby Boomers.

People born between 1965 and 1989 are called -Generation X.

And people born between 1990 and 2010 are called -Generation Y.

Why do we call the last group -Generation Y ?

Y should I get a job?

Y should I leave home and find my own place?

Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?

Y should I clean my room?

Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?

Y should I buy any food?


Just thought you might want to know "Y"

Elderly Couple In Church

An  elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently attending a church service
at their retirement village.

About halfway through the service,  Pauline took a pen and paper out of her
purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.

The note said:" I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should
do?"

Frank scribbled  back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

Children In Church

KIDS IN CHURCH 
3-year-old Reese : 
'Our Father, Who does art in heaven, 
Harold is His name. 
Amen.' 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


A little boy was overheard praying: 
'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. 
I'm having a real good time like I am.' 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


After the christening of his baby brother in church, 
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. 
His father asked him three times what was wrong. 
Finally, the boy replied, 
'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, 
and I wanted to stay with you guys.' 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


One particular four-year-old prayed, 
'And forgive us our trash baskets 
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.' 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they 
were on the way to church service, 
'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?' 
One bright little girl replied, 
'Because people are sleeping.' 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. 
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. 
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. 
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.' 
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, 
' Ryan , you be Jesus !' 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


A father was at the beach with his children 
when the four-year-old son ran up to him, 
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore 
where a seagull lay dead in the sand. 
'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked. 
'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied. 
The boy thought a moment and then said, 
'Did God throw him back down?' 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


A wife invited some people to dinner. 
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, 
'Would you like to say the blessing?' 
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied. 
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered. 
The daughter bowed her head and said, 
'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?' 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


And if you don't share this with at least 8 people ----- who cares! 
Peace, love and happiness 

Just For Laughs

 Just To Make You Laugh!

Believe it or not...Men are Everywhere! 
Woman has Man in it; 
Mrs. has Mr. in it; 
Female has Male in it; 
She has He in it; 
Madam has Adam in it;

Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now..... 
I never looked at it this way before:  

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?
mental illness 
MENstrual cramps 
MENtal breakdown 
MENopause
GUYnecologist 
AND .. 
When we have REAL trouble, it's a  HISterectomy. 

Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day.

Send this to men to remind them that they will always be part of our lives.......