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In My Next Life

The Fire Truck

A fire was started on some grassland near a farm.  

The county fire department was called to put the fire out.  

The fire was more than the county fire department could handle.

Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called.

Though there was doubt that the volunteer outfit would be of any assistance, the call was made.

The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck.

They rumbled straight towards the fire and stopped in

the middle of the flames.

The volunteers jumped off the truck and frantically

started spraying water in all directions.

Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, 

breaking the blaze into two easily controllable parts.

Watching all of this, the farmer was so impressed

with the volunteer fire departments work, and

was so grateful that his farm had been spared, that 

right there and then he presented the volunteers

with a check for 1000 dollars.

A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds.

"That oughta be obvious," he responded, 

wiping the ashes off his coat.  

"The first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that darn fire truck!"

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Visitor to South Africa These are SA 'joke' rules of the road on Find a Laugh

Since we are in the midst of the world cup... we should give tourists tips about traveling on our roads.... RULES FOR DRIVING IN SOUTH AFRICA 1. Never indicate - this will give away your next move. A real south African driver never uses them. 2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, this space will be filled by at least 2 taxis and a BMW, putting you in an even more dangerous situation. 3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit. 4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will only result in you being rear-ended. 5. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving you a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs. 6. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It's a good way to check if the people entering the highway are awake. 7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a guideline. They are especially not applicable in South Africa during rush hour. That's why it's called 'rush hour....' 8. Just because you're in the right lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a South African driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot. 9. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre. Never stop to help - you will be mugged. 10. Learn to swerve abruptly. South Africa is the home of the high-speed slalom driving thanks to the government, which puts holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keeps them on their toes. 11. It is traditional to blow your hooter at cars that don't move the instant the light turns green. This prevents storks from building nests on top of the traffic light and birds from making deposits on your car. 12. Remember that the goal of every South African driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary. 13. On average, at least three cars can still go through an intersection after the light has turned red. It's people not adhering to this basic principle that causes the big traffic jams during rush hour. Now guys go out there today and make South Africa proud!

The Beggar

Every day a man walks past the beggar on the

 corner of the street where he works.

Every day the beggar holds out his hand

and the man drops a coin into it.

Then one day as the man walks past he notices

 the beggar is holding out both hands.

“Why are you holding out both your hands?” he asks.

“Business has been so good, I decided to open another branch.”