Why Women Shouldn't Take Men Shopping With Them

          *After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Woolworths. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally          unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from our local Woolworths.

          Dear Mrs. Jacobs,

          Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
          commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and
          have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our
          complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed
          below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

          **1. **June 15**:**Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
          them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

          **2. **July 2**:**Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to
          go off at 5-minute intervals.

          **3. **July 19**:**Walked up to an employee and told her in
          an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right
          away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned
          station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in
          turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to
          lose time and costing the company money..

          4. August**4:**Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a
          box of SMARTIES on lay-buy.

          5. August 14**:**Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a
          carpeted area.

          6. August 15**:**Set up a tent in the camping department and
          told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would
          bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to
          which twenty children obliged.

          7. August 23**:**When a clerk asked if they could help him
          he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just
          leave me alone?' Paramedics were called..

          **8. September 4:**Looked right into the security camera and
          used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

          **9. September 10:**While handling knifes in the kitchen
          department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

          **10. October 3:**Darted around the store suspiciously while
          loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

          **11. October 6:**In the auto department, he practiced his
          'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

          **12. October 18:**Hid in a clothing rack and when people
          browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

          **13. October 21:**When an announcement came over the loud
          speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO!
          IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'*

          *
          *And last, but not least:*

          **14. October 23:**Went into a fitting room, shut the door,
          waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no
          toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.