15 ways for men to keep busy when their women drag them to the mall.

Hilarious!!!

 

 

*WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING*            *After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on            her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found            shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally            unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to            browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter            from the local Target.            Dear Mrs. Samuel,            Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a            commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and            have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our            complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed            below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.            **1. **June 15**:**Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put            them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.            **2. **July 2**:**Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to            go off at 5-minute intervals.            **3. **July 7**:**He made a trail of tomato juice on the            floor leading to the women's restroom..            **4. **July 19**:**Walked up to an employee and told her in            an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right            away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned            station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in            turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to            lose time and costing the company money.            5. August**4:**Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a            bag of M&Ms on layaway.            6. August 14**:**Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a            carpeted area.            7. August 15**:**Set up a tent in the camping department and            told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would            bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to            which twenty children obliged.            8. August 23**:**When a clerk asked if they could help him            he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just            leave me alone?' EMTs were called.            **9. September 4:**Looked right into the security camera and            used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.            **10. September 10:**While handling guns in the hunting            department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.            **11. October 3:**Darted around the store suspiciously while            loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.            **12. October 6:**In the auto department, he practiced his            'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.            **13. October 18:**Hid in a clothing rack and when people            browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'            **14. October 21:**When an announcement came over the loud            speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO!            IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'*            *            *And last, but not least:*            **15. October 23:**Went into a fitting room, shut the door,            waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no            toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.*