Laughter is the Best Medicine

Feeling down?
Visit a while and I guarantee to put a smile on your face.
A collection of all my favourite jokes and EMails.
Feel free to share them with your friends!

31 March 2010

Find a Laugh - While Flying

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough
to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman.
They exchange brief hello's and then he notices
that she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.
He asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics.
It identifies that American Indians are the best endowed,
and Polish men have the biggest average diameter.  By
the way, my name is Jill, what's yours?"
The businessman coolly replies,
"Tonto Kwalaski, nice to meet you."

30 March 2010

Find a Laugh - 'Women are Evil'

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. 
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
She seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his
 face with both hands.
"Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me?  I need to speak to him," she said
 running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender.."Is there
 anything I can do?"
"Yes, I need you to give him a message,"  she continued,
running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping
 a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, "There's no toilet paper, hand soap,
 or paper towels in the ladies room."

27 March 2010

Find a Laugh while Studying

Students at the UH Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.  they are all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.  Then the professor started the class by telling them:
"In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor:  the first is that it is necessary that you not be disgusted."

The Professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in the ass of the dead body, withdrew it and sucked it.  "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.  The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently taking turns, sunk their fingers to do the same.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second important quality is observation.  I sunk the middle finger and suck the index.  PAY ATTENTION PEOPLE!!!"

22 March 2010

Find a Laugh - Getting Married

A young man excitedly tells his mothr he's fallen in love and is going to get married.
He says, "Just for fun, Mum, I'm going to bring over three women and you must try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

The mother agrees, and the next day he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.  He then says, "Okay, guess which one I'm going to marry."  She immeadiately replies, "the one in the middle."

"That's amazing, Mum, you're right, how did you know?"
"I don't like her!"

13 March 2010

Find a Laugh - You Think English is Easy???

This is an interesting one that I got for find a laugh. 

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests..

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Did you notice that the similar words were pronounced differently in some instances.

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France .

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

 English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ?

Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends.

And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning.

People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night..

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP !

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.

It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.


When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .

When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP...

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so........it is time to shut UP!


"The only time Success comes before Work is in the Dictionary."

Find a Laugh with True Friendship ....SCOTTISH STYLE

True Friendship... SCOTTISH STYLE!!

(None of that Sissy Crap)


Are you tired of those piss weak 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here are a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cute little smiley faces on this card . Just the stone cold truth of a great friendship.


  1. When you are sad -- I will help you get pissed and plot revenge against the bastard who made you sad.

  2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

  3. When you smile -- I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

  4. When you are scared -- I will take the piss out of you every chance I get until you're NOT.

  5. When you are worried -- I will tell you stories about how much worse it could be until YOU STOP WHINING!

  6. When you are confused -- I will try to use only little words.
  7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

  8. When you fall, I will laugh at you, you clumsy arse, but I'll help you up.

  9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask;
Because you are my friend.

Friendship is like pissing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.




Send this to 10 of your closest friends,  

Then get depressed because you can only think of 4 .