Talking Parrots

A lady goes to her priest one day  and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, But they only know to say one thing' 'What do they say?' the priest asked. They say, 'Hi, we're hookers!  Do you want to have some fun?' 'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed, Then he thought for a moment...... 'You know,' he said, 'I may have a  solution to your problem.   I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible... Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to  pray and worship, And your parrots are sure to stop saying...  That phrase...  In no time.' 'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.' The next day, She brought her female parrots  to the priest's house.... As he ushered her in, She saw that his two male parrots were inside  their cage holding rosary beads and praying... Impressed, She walked over and placed her  parrots in with them... After a few minutes, The female parrots cried  out in unison: Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?' There was stunned silence... One male parrot looked over at the other  male parrot and says, 'Put the beads away, Frank, Our prayers have been answered!

ID001

The Nun and The Soldier

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.'

The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?'

The nun replied, 'He went that way.'

After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq ..'

The nun said, 'I understand completely.'

The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'

The nun replied, 'If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls....I don't want to go to Iraq either.'

Charlie and His Bride

Charlie 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.    
Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Charlie should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together. 
 
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door  opens and  there is Charlie, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Charlie takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.  
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door,  and it's Charlie,  Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised,  Jenny consents  for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Charlie kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves. 
 
She is  set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it - Charlie is  back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for  more 'action'.  And, once more they enjoy each other. 
 
But as Charlie gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I  am thoroughly  impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once.  You are truly a great lover, Charlie.' 
 
Charlie,  somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I was here already?'
 
The moral  of the story:  
Don't  be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer's has its advantages.  
P.S.  Have I told this to you already?