- At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
- Page yourself over the intercom, without disguising your voice.
- Insist that your email address is: Xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
- Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
- Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
- Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
- Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.
- Finish all your sentences with "In accordane with the prophecy."
- Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area, and tell others you prefer it that way.
- Don't use any punctuation.
- Skip rather than walk.
- Ask people what sex they are.
- Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
- Sing along at the opera.
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
- Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
- Send an e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be on the toilet."
- Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
- Five days in advance tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
- Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies.
- Call the psychic hotline and just say, "Guess."
- Hve your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
- When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! , I Won! , Third time this week!!!"
- When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
- Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, it's the ones in your head that do."
- Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
- To annoy everyone, send this to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you, or have asked you not to.
27 April 2010
How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity with Find a Laugh!
23 April 2010
Find a Laugh with a Jack Daniels Fishing Story from a friend.........
I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bitten. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same snake with two frogs in his mouth.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bitten. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same snake with two frogs in his mouth.
Life is good in the South!
19 April 2010
Something to Make you Think on Find a Laugh
Three guys in a hotel call room service and order two large Pizzas.
The Delivery boy brings them up a bill for exactly R30.
Each guy gives him a R10 note, and he leaves. That's fact!
When he hands the R30 to the cashier, he is told a mistake was made.
The bill was only R25 and not R30.
The cashier gives the delivery boy five R1 coins and tells him to take it back to the 3 guys who ordered the pizza.
That's fact!
On the way back to their room, the delivery boy has a thought.
These guys did not give him a tip.
He figures that since there is no way to split the R5 evenly three ways anyhow, he will keep R2 for himself and give them back R3.
OK! So far so good!
He knocks on the door and one fellow answers.
He explains about the mix up in the bill, and hands the guy R3 and then departs with his R2 tip in his pocket.
Now the fun begins!
Remember R30 - R25 = R5 ----- Right?
and R5 - R3 = R2 ----- Right?
So what's the problem? All is well, right? Not quite.
Answer this ..... Each of the threee guys originally gave R10 each.
They each got back R1 in change. That means they paid R9 each, which times 3 is R27.
The delivery boy kept R2 for a tip.
R27 plus R2 equals R29.
Where in the world is the other R1?????????
16 April 2010
Find a Laugh with the Darwin Awards
To see the Net's no. 1 Joke Ebook, and claim
a 40 Page Free Joke Book, Click Here!
Darwin's are out!!!
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious winner:
When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger... The chef's claim was approved. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
To see the Net's no. 1 Joke Ebook, and claim
a 40 Page Free Joke Book, Click Here!
14 April 2010
Find a Laugh - A Great Answer to an Impossible Question
Little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you
the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says,
'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies,
'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep.
The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit….
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you
the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says,
'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies,
'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep.
The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit….
10 April 2010
08 April 2010
03 April 2010
Find a Laugh with Humans!
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity,
here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
- On Sears Hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
- On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (Evidently, the shoplifter special.)
- On a bar of Dial Soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how...?)
- On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost." (But it's just a suggestion.)
- On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of the box): Do not turn upside down." (Uhoh, too late!)
- On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day...)
- On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save even more time?)
- On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those five year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
- On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One can only hope.)
- On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor and outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
- On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
- On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (NEWS FLASH)
- On an american airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta.)
- On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one.)
- On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?)
GOOD GRIEF!
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